Understanding co-regulation: 5 ways to support Neurodivergent individuals

What is co-regulation? 

Co-regulation is the process of helping someone achieve emotional and sensory balance by being present with them in a meaningful way. It’s about creating a shared space where trust and connection can develop, allowing both people to feel more at ease. 

Co-regulation is especially important for neurodivergent individuals, who may experience heightened states of dysregulation due to unmet sensory, social, and communication needs. 

Rather than simply offering advice or directing someone to self-soothe, co-regulation is about embodying a sense of calm and connection. 

This approach helps the nervous system of the neurodivergent person to gradually regulate, reducing stress and enabling them to feel more comfortable in their environment. 

Here are five practical ways to co-regulate with a neurodivergent person: 

• Adopt a low-demand approach

One of the most effective ways to support a neurodivergent person is by reducing the demands placed on them. 

By minimising expectations and pressures, you help create a safer environment where they can regulate more effectively. This might involve offering more time for tasks, reducing sensory input, or simply allowing them to engage in activities at their own pace without additional stress. 

• Model self-regulation strategies

Modelling your own self-regulation strategies can be incredibly helpful. 

For example, if you need a moment to reset, you might say, “I’m going to take a quick walk because it helps me feel more balanced.” By demonstrating how you manage your own sensory and emotional needs, you provide a tangible example for the neurodivergent person to follow. 

Over time, they may develop their own toolbox of strategies. 

• Engage in parallel play or body doubling

Parallel play, where you participate in a similar activity alongside the neurodivergent person, or body doubling, where you work on separate tasks in the same space, can be low-pressure ways to co-regulate. 

These approaches allow for shared time and space without the need for direct interaction, which can be overwhelming for some neurodivergent individuals. Knowing that someone is nearby and engaged in a similar rhythm helps create a sense of connection and ease. 

• Create ‘co-regulation bubbles’

Throughout the day, create small moments of co-regulation by sharing activities that bring both of you joy. This could be as simple as listening to music together, sharing a favourite snack, or engaging in a sensory-friendly activity like watching a familiar show. 

These ‘bubbles’ of co-regulation offer opportunities to recharge and reconnect, helping to maintain a balanced state. 

• Be a ‘space holder’ 

Sometimes, the most meaningful way to co-regulate is by simply being present. 

For neurodivergent people, “being with” someone doesn’t always mean physical proximity. It could involve sharing an online space, knowing that someone is available if needed, or even just offering quiet companionship. 

By holding space for the neurodivergent person, you provide a foundation of support that allows them to regulate at their own pace.

Co-regulation is a powerful way to support neurodivergent individuals, creating a sense of safety and connection that can lead to better emotional and sensory regulation. By adopting these strategies, you can create a more inclusive environment where neurodivergent people can thrive.