Siblings who "get it": The neurodivergent brother-sister bond

As someone who’s autistic and ADHD, I’ve always felt that the bond I share with my younger brother, who also has ADHD, is different from anything else in my life. 

Growing up neurodivergent in a world that often doesn’t understand you can be incredibly isolating, but having a sibling who “gets it” changes everything. 

It took us many years to understand each other as both of us grew up as undiagnosed neurodivergents, only to realise in our adulthood that we’re neurodivergent. 

After many years of fights, love, and care, our relationship is now built on a deep understanding of each other’s needs, struggles, and joys. 

Unspoken understanding of sensory needs 

One of the things my brother and I instinctively understand about each other is our sensory needs. 

We don’t need to explain to each other why certain lights are too bright or why certain textures are unbearable — we just know. 

I remember countless times when he’d walk into a room and immediately turn down the volume on the TV because he could tell I was getting overwhelmed. 

He’d ask my parents to get soft socks for me as the texture of most socks hurt me. 

These small, unspoken gestures are a huge part of what makes our relationship special. We’ve learned to create a comfortable environment for each other without even thinking about it. 

Navigating social expectations together 

Social situations have always been challenging for both of us. 

I’ve often felt out of place, not understanding social cues or the unwritten rules everyone else seemed to know. 

But having my brother by my side made these situations easier to handle. 

We’ve developed our own way of communicating when we’re in public, with little signals that say, “I need a break” or “Let’s get out of here.” 

It’s like having a partner in a world that sometimes feels like it’s speaking a different language.

The comfort of predictability

Routine has always been my safe space, and I know my brother feels the same.

We both find comfort in the predictable rhythms of our daily lives. Whether it was our morning chai ritual or the way we always had movie afternoons on chill days, where we binge-watched our favourite shows. 

These routines ground us. They’re our way of creating a world that feels safe and manageable.

It’s something we’ve always done for each other, even when the rest of the world feels chaotic.

Mutual respect for boundaries

Growing up, we both learned the importance of respecting each other’s boundaries. I’ve always needed my alone time to recharge, and so has he.

We never took it personally when one of us needed to retreat to our room after a long day — it was just understood.

This respect for boundaries has been a cornerstone of our relationship, allowing us to support each other without overwhelming each other. 

It’s a form of love that’s based on deep understanding and acceptance.

Coping mechanisms and strategies

Over the years, my brother and I have developed our own set of coping mechanisms to manage our neurodivergence. From stimming to using specific apps that help us stay organised, we’ve always shared what works for us.

I remember when he introduced me to a new time management app that completely changed the way I handle my daily tasks.

These strategies are more than just tools — they’re a way of saying, “I understand what you’re going through, and I’m here to help.”

Handling meltdowns with empathy

Meltdowns are a part of our lives, and having a sibling who truly understands what that feels like has been invaluable. 

When I’m on the brink of a meltdown, my brother knows exactly what to do — whether it’s giving me space or just sitting quietly with me until I’m ready to talk. 

I do the same for him. There’s no judgement, no impatience — just empathy. We’ve been through it enough times to know that sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there for each other.

The joy of special interests

One of the most joyful aspects of our relationship is the way we connect over our special interests. 

Whether it’s long sessions playing our favourite video games or a marathon discussion about a topic like our favourite snacks, these shared passions bring us closer. 

It’s about celebrating the intensity and enthusiasm that comes with our neurodivergence. In these moments, we see each other’s true selves, and there’s nothing more affirming than that.

Experiencing the world differently, together

The world can be overwhelming, confusing, and even hostile for neurodivergent people. But my brother and I experience it together, and that makes all the difference.

We might perceive things differently from others, but we share that experience with each other. It’s like having someone who speaks your language in a foreign land.

We just “get” each other in a way that’s hard to put into words, but it’s something I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Being neurodivergent siblings has shaped the way my brother and I relate to each other and the world. 

For us, it’s not just about being siblings — it’s about being allies, friends, and each other’s greatest champions in a world that doesn’t always understand us. 

We truly are siblings who get it.