top of page

Community, Neurodiversity

Best responses to - “But you don’t look autistic”

The global autistic community shares how they respond to dismissive and ableist comments

MMS Staff

8 Jun 2024

5-min read

Have you ever disclosed your autism to someone, only to have them drill holes in your head with their eyes and give you the classic, "But you don't look autistic" refrain?


Though seemingly harmless, this line is more than just a misunderstanding. It shows a deep lack of awareness about the vast spectrum of autistic experiences.  


For many autistic people, comments like these are hurtful. When our autism goes unrecognized, it leads to a lack of crucial support. We might struggle in social situations or sensory overload without receiving the help that can make a huge difference.


Not to mention this also takes its toll on our mental health. Imagine constantly being told a core part of you isn't valid, or being asked to prove your neurodivergence. Makes you feel isolated, confused and even depressed.


We've said before, we'll say it again - Autism is a neurological difference, not a physical appearance. Autistic people exist in all shapes, sizes, and personalities. So, the next time someone throws that outdated comment your way, be prepared to respond with confidence and a touch of humor!


How? Read on -


Our amazing community shared some fantastic responses to "But you don't look autistic". We've written their comments down alongside their Instagram profiles.


Oh! I have detachable wings and left them at home today - @alt.life.immycool
Sorry, I'm sharing my autism with a friend right now, so it might be diluted - @charlielittlechild
It's so clear to see if you know Autism - @jackie_steed
Decides who?! - @karolincze
That’s an inside thought Karen … - @aglaematl
You don't look like a burden - @le_randomiseur
How about now? hand flaps "maybe you can only see it under a black light? - @cantstanja
Your observation skills are rather poor, dear. Might I suggest some glasses to help you see my autism? - @yagamilight3000
Do you want me to say “thanks”…? - @karolincze
We can't all be Rain Man or the Good Doctor, Karen. - @olivia.shorthair
And you don’t look ignorant but here we are - @emhope98
Alright so have you ever heard about specific interests? Mine is [followed by a five minute monologue about very precise information]. Do I look more autistic to you now? If not, you might question your own spectrum. - @lelune_akemi
Yes I do! Whether you say I do or not I still do and it will never change! So go away! - @magically_made_photography
Shall I flap my wings a bit for you? - @arcanadi
You might want to learn what "invisible" meant, would you like a dictionary? - @lelune_akemi
Here, try on my glasses. - @jadenikita1998
This is what I say, “Stop, Stop right there. I do not need you to tell me this. I love being autistic, it's so freeing. This diagnosis is a good thing, not a bad thing. I love you, but this isn't a good comment to say to me. Please be happy for me.” - @lightningdragon1
Oh darling, and you don't look like someone who understands the full spectrum of fabulousness! But here we are, defying expectations and slaying stereotypes, one sequin at a time! - @officialqueemo
I put whatever object is closest and put it on my head, and then say "how about now?" 😅 - @audhdantics
Well of course not. You can’t see Autism. whispers it’s inside my brain! - @trainerhalsitemshop
Is this due to my confidence or hotness levels being at least 137x higher than yours? - @eldritchvampireofthefaewild
YOU CAN SEE ME?! - @andie.ink
Really? I must have left my 'Autistic' uniform at home - @booleanhunter
AHA… my disguise is working” *walk away laughing evilly - @the_other_abby2007
Oh because I don’t make blunt statements? - @halicope
You should see me on a full moon—all of my ‘tism bursts out in full force then. 🌙 - @joannareese7
Well you don’t look allistic but here we are - @neuronandrosepsych
Well, I am and I am proud of it! - @revajain__
takes a bow - @infamousswfan
That's not really the compliment you think it is - @anjalir283
No? Oh you do!" (Let them wonder for a bit) Then say "See, that's just as weird as saying I don't". - @babette_2000
That's just all the plastic surgery I had 🤣 - @meranaphi
Well you don't look normal, but here we are - @ausomecharlie
I don't have enough time or crayons to explain the impact of your comment - @monera_ooo
I know you're trying to be kind, but it's not where you can see it... it's in my brain! - @themindofmariavivienne
I have horns which I file everyday before I leave - @theboywhogrewupasanaspie
1. What am I supposed to look like? 2. In-depth explanation of what masking is 3. Horror story about ABA, if applicable 4. Well you don’t look like a jerk, but here we are. 5. Because I’m not a six-year-old boy? Shocking. /s 6. Yes I do, you just don’t know what you’re looking at. 7. I literally only told you because you caught me doing X autistic thing. 8. That’s not a compliment. 9. Are you sure? start stimming and staring off into space 10. Well you don’t look neurotypical! See how weird that sounds? 11. Sorry, I left my Rain Man costume at home. - @aureliaundertheradar
I don't get it. Please explain." (Same as the response to racist/sexist/etc 'jokes') - @creatingwhilelearning
But do I SMELL autistic?” Always confuses the hell out of them. Some people actually then say “Ah I see what you mean!” as in, it’s as ridiculous as saying autistic people all smell a certain way. Others don’t get it. So I let them continue to be baffled 💅🏽 - @sniffyjenkins
you don't look stupid… - @hollylaike
I show true colours only during full moon - @preeti.sharma_27
Hang on, let me just do some autism for you - @comfaclothing
I'm undercover. - @kotoku_denjiro
I put on the invisible cloak! - @manishachandini
You don’t look rude either, but I guess we can’t judge a book by its cover - @thealyssaproject
Shit, I must be overdue for my autism-causing vaccine booster - @wdc_nathan
Laugh very loudly and leave - @purramids
I was wondering if the new mask was working. Turns out it works both ways. You can’t tell I’m autistic and I can’t tell how much of your brain you have left. - @lauraliteatime

Remember, the best response depends on the situation and your comfort level. You are autistic, and that's perfectly okay!


Some final thoughts:


  1. Don't feel obligated to justify your diagnosis (whether you have one or not cuz self-diagnosis is obv valid)

  2. Educate politely, but don't feel like you have to be a teacher

  3. Embrace your individuality. Being autistic is a strength, not a weakness

  4. Let's break down the stereotypes and celebrate the beautiful diversity of the autistic community. With a little understanding and humour, we can create a more inclusive world


As always, we'd love to hear from you. Share your favorite responses to "But you don't look autistic" in the comments below.


Check out the original post here.


Remember, if anyone ever tells you they can't see your autism, you can always tell them you left your invisibility cloak at home. 

Much much relate? Share it now!

SHORTS

bottom of page