‘Friendship, an enigma’ (a short poem) - Friendship Day special

A LOT of (though, not all) autistic people will agree... making friends is hard. But what’s even harder is keeping them.

There’s even a phrase for it - it’s called ‘incidental friendship.’

There’s many reasons why these friendships don’t stand the test of time.

Suhasini Sundaresan - a late-diagnosed autistic woman from Mumbai, India - tells us her lived experience with incidental friendships in this beautiful poem.

Happy Friendship Day, everyone! 

Friendship is an enigma in my autistic world

Just like finding love

That has eluded me mysteriously

Friendship has dodged me frantically

I can make friends easily

They never sustain, unfortunately

Is it me or the situation, it's unfathomable

Well that's life and one gotta move on

but it's unnavigable

It's funny when I reflect

How situations digress

When strangers turned friends

And friends to strangers

I assumed that my autism

Would help me break the shackles

Instead it created more hurdles

As people wondered

Why is she behaving differently

Only to realise that they preferred the masked me

I am aware that the world doesn't revolve around me

That everyone go through difficulties

But why it that one trauma is greater than thee

Communication became a punishment

Acceptance was a distant dream

Constantly pleasing others

Wondering where did I get lost in translation

I am not a pro in maintaining friendships

I often get blamed for my non-subtlety

Masking gets exhausting

Why can't people just be?

There are some silver linings too

Not everything's gloomy

I found my fellow neurodivergents

Or folks who instantly  stirred conversations 

with me

"This is the world that we live in,

I feel myself get tired"

Crooned The Killers

I often think they might have penned this for us

Navigating these neurotypical constructs

Of relationships and friendships

Challenging and rewriting the rules

And deconstructing every molecule

My friendships have a pattern, like the crashing waves

Some choose to leave

While some choose to stay

When they leave,

They leave something in their wake

A bundle of memories

bitter and sweet

A reminiscence

An essence

Of moments and  it's brisance

Aches tipped with huisache.

Follow Suhasini on Instagram